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Jake's Apology
Hey, it has been quite a while. You don't have to worry about me shouting at you for any reason at all, I'm passed the person I used to be. But there are a couple of things I want to say to get off my chest as I've been planning to quickly message you for months. Firstly, you don't have to worry about me joining the discord group chat for old CC members. I don't think it's my right or justification to join it as all I ever did in CC was be a dramatic kid and join/exit. I also don't think it's right for me to because of how many people in CC weren't very fond of me, such as you and others I won't name out of respect. I want to take this moment to apologize. I don't expect you to accept this apology as it is way overdue, too overdue. However, I would appreciate it if you could acknowledge it at the very most. I apologize for being so aggressive and sensitive, for being confrontational and argumentative. I apologize for the childish, idiotic lies I told for no reason at all. I apologize for how bad I unknowledgeably hurt you and the others. Every bad action I made has stuck with me and it has become something to an unhealthy degree. I have admitted my faults many times and I have acknowledged my wrongdoings for a long while but I am still trying to pass by the things I did, it really is hard when I've done so much with so much unintentional harm. When most of the stuff was going down because of me I was an ignorant kid, I was young and kids do dumb things, it's inevitable. Although it has only been 2 years or more since the stuff I've done, I believe that I've changed for the very best. However, do I think my age justified the things I did? Of course not, anyone at any age should've been scolded and been given a reality check for what I was doing. For that, I want to really thank you, honestly. I needed as many reality checks as I got, otherwise I might've just been the same person right now or even worse. That thought scares me. In some cases those reality checks from many people and that many people did hurt, it was damaging at certain points, quite a bit honestly. But thank you, a lot. I appreciate what you did and I will continue to work on myself. If I'm going to be honest with this letter then I have to tell you how I've been, when considering you and me. Much like me, you did many things that you didn't realize and comprehend the impact it would have on me. So impactful in fact that I've struggled to make any friends due to my lack of trust in people I haven't known for a long time. Sometimes when I open up to my close friends and talk about it they believe I have a slight sign of PTSD. One time a very close friend told me that I could positively have a panic disorder, which was told to me less than two weeks ago. Whenever your name is brought up or I've been told that you are talking about me in a negative light, hell just generally I start having a panic attack, which is another reason my close friend thought I had a panic disorder. The point I'm making is that we have hurt each other just as much, some people will say I hurt you more or you hurt me more, but it doesn't matter, the fact of the matter is that we've hurt each other. I don't hate you, not anywhere near close. I know this is said a lot but "hate" is a strong word to use. I don't even dislike you, I just dislike some of your actions and words that were used. I am a very forgiving person and I can give many chances because I believe in people improving. We're all dumb kids sometimes, that's why I can see from your point of view in those times you were absolutely pissed at me and you said some things you shouldn't have, you were just irrational by fueling anger. Right now, current time, I'm the happiest I have been in my life. Even with my mental health that can get a bit overwhelming for me and the people around me, I am being the happiest person possible. I almost don't believe I am as happy and cheerful as I am. The reason I am so happy I shall keep to myself as it is very important to me, but just know I am very happy. With that, I hope you're happy as well. All I wish for you know, as a person to another person, is that you go through life with a happy mindset like I am right now. If you want to contact me, although I don't ever expect you to, you can contact me on discord if you want to. Bye, Emme. ~Jake L.